SPL TV OPENING
Who says the SPL isn't capable of producing a top-quality
24/7 football subscription channel? We've obtained a sneak preview
of their first day's full schedule and are happy to reproduce it
1.00 Teletubbies: SPFA boss Tony Higgins
in discussion with Derek Johnstone.
2.00 Shoestring: An examination of Clydebank's
3.00 The Weakest Link: Will Bert Konterman
be first to be voted off (again)?
4.00 Taxi: Comedy with Duncan Ferguson
as he playfully headbutts the guy in front of him at the rank.
5.00 Dad's Army: More laughs with
the old duffers of St Johnstone. Starring Willie Falconer
and Darren Jackson.
6.00 Wish You Were Here? Highlights from
the Premiership, La Liga, Serie A and the Bundesliga.
7.00 EastEnders: More misery, moaning, bitching
and random violence from Dunfermline.
8.00 (film) Attila The Hun: In-depth profile
of Rangers new hardman midfielder.
9.00 Neighbours from Hell: Those friendly
Dundee fans talk candidly about living next door to Jim McLean.
10.00 Father Ted: Disaster strikes as Ted,
Jack and Dougal realise that dog collars no longer guarantee free
entry at Parkhead. Not when there's thousands on the season
ticket waiting list.
11.00 Shooting Stars: ( Subject to
cancellation as it's difficult to find any appropriate guests).
12.00 Jerry Springer: Chat show with the
new Scotland boss Jerry Springer.
1.00 The Twilight Zone: 1st, 2nd and 3rd
2.00 Dalziel and Pascoe: The Ayr United
boss signs up an ageing former Olympic athlete as his assistant
in a desperate bid to avoid the drop.
3.00 Robot Wars: Highlights from Motherwell
4.00 Meetings With Remarkable Trees: The
Mark Hateley story.
5.00 Scrapheap Challenge: A visit to Somerset
6.00 Home And Away: Clydebank v Morton.
7.00 Tweenies: Interviews with the
8.00 Doctor Who: The Celtic memoirs
of Jozef Venglos.
9.00 The Odd Couple: The Celtic memoirs
of Kenny Dalglish and John Barnes.
10.00 Friends Like These: A sneak peek inside
the Boardroom at Tannadice.
11.00 Men Behaving Badly: Featuring
Motherwell's loveable duo Karl Ready and Greg Strong.
12.00 XENA: Warrior Princess: At
last! Something worth watching!
So Rangers wanted to play in England.
After escaping from Berwick with a 0-0 draw they may want
to rethink. Rangers were truly abysmal. One corner in the first
45 minutes against the team at the foot of the Second Division is
a damning statistic. But what was even worse was the players attitude.
Witness Andrei Kanchelskis coming on at half-time WEARING
GLOVES! Now Berwick in January will never be mistaken
for Benidorm but Kanchelskis started his career in the Russian
Supreme League where the winter weather has been known to be
just a tad nippier than over here. We'd call him a big girl's
blouse if we didn't think it would upset him too much.
The return of spectator violence to Scotland at the
recent Aberdeen v Rangers game is worrying. The trouble started
when a coin thrown from among the Rangers support struck Dons' Robbie
Winters on the back of the head. Leaving aside the fact that
it's changed days indeed when Rangers fans have money to burn, what
happened next was worse.
Worse because while throwing anything from the stands
is despicable and dangerous it is also damned near impossible to
stop. But for around two dozen fans to be allowed to make their
way from the Aberdeen support onto the trackside and then get in
among the Rangers fans before a steward or a policeman so much as
moved a muscle is a matter for concern.
Even more worrying is the suggestion that the violence
was prearranged on the web by English thugs. Now while wishing the
England football team nothing but ill in the World Cup, this website
isn't usually well-disposed to the 'the English are the bad guys,
we're all right' mentality of some Scottish supporters. Nevertheless,
it is more than a little strange that NONE of the 'fans'
invading the Rangers section wore colours of any description, let
alone those of the ovinophile (look it up)